Pornography

[Hey, couples, maybe read this together!]

Have You Heard the One About: Did you know that in the early 1900s, one of the reasons people thought young people should only get a New Testament was that that way they would not see the Song of Solomon in the Old Testament [the Jewish Scriptures], because it was about sex. From God’s point of view. But they didn’t think young people should be exposed to that … … …?

What You Might Expect Me to Say About Pornography: I’m against it. Don’t use it. The United Methodist Social Principles say “We deplore all forms of commercialization and exploitation of sex… cheapening … human personality”.[And we hear often of pornography mixing in violent images, and I don’t even think it is proper to refer to anything with children as pornography, but rather of child abuse in the most wicked sense].

But That’s Not the Whole Story, Is It?: Here I am a Christian church pastor, and I have had many church attenders tell me of their uses of pornography. I made some delicate calls to a few of those lately, and I want to express my gratitude to them for broadening my sensitivities. What did I hear from healthy people? Hmm … a bit of what can be separated into two categories of thought.

First are those who confess porn has done them poorly, an addiction for some and a cheapening, almost sexless lust for others. This has damaged relationships with partners and has hindered spiritual freedom. I even heard this from a church pastor who said this was a big problem for him.

But the second group are people who genuinely see it as benign. One woman says she appreciates the sexual energy she finds it awakens in herself and her husband; another says it keeps her partner vented without wandering. Another says it has kept her attuned to her sexuality while she is single. Guys have said it is a safe way to be honorably single and honorably away from a sweetheart.

Now I Get In Trouble: Humans are curious. In many societies in longhouses and extended family tents and even in community celebrations there have been not-aberrant ‘information-gathering” glances toward others in passion’s embrace. And conversation about sex in graphic terms wasn’t invented after the camera, or after the printed page! Neither was masturbation. And we have so panicked over sexual conversation that there are few healthy ways for that interest to be satisfied.

I read once that what the world of porn needed was consumers who would demand examples of loving, committed couples healthily expressing their intimacies. Another Christian wrote that the place of healthy erotic literature needed to be lifted up as an alternative to porn. The fact that the Bible itself has an example of this in the Song of Solomon suggests that this idea has merit! And it is there with no suggestion that reading it will create unhealthy lust. But how often do you hear this argument from churches who claim to find their wisdoms in the Bible?

Do I believe that all use of porn is destructive to individuals and couples? Some very graceful people have convinced me that that is not necessarily the case. But would I recommend it? Would I like my kids to grow up to be users? Nope. But if you are a user, be reflective and limit it.

Don’t Lie to Yourself: Porn is an industry famous for abusive relationships, even if recently there is a new trend toward more care over pay and safety issues, if the news is to be believed. And its titles don’t suggest much in the way of healthy, committed couples. And addiction is common. And since sexual stimulation was apparently occurring pretty well for the last two million years without it, we can probably learn to live without it and still love passionately, and likely much more healthily.

You were made sexual. Go wild! Cherish the gift. Watch out for sexual junk food. It could make you sick or slow to hear your deepest cravings. If you are in a relationship and do use porn, talk to your partner about it. Don’t make it into a dirty secret. Sexual secrets are dangerous to a couple. Do well.