There is no laughter here.
What You Might Expect Me to Say about Suicide: If you come from certain religious traditions you might think I would condemn those who commit suicide, or assume they have committed an unforgivable sin and will be judged by God as having done so. Please know that is not the position of most Christians. The United Methodist Social Principles state that “nothing, including suicide, separates us from the love of God”.
But that’s Not the Whole Story, Is It? Almost all the time, suicide is more like leaving a bomb inside the lives of surviving family and friends. Leaving the pain behind in suicide leaves a hundred times the pain in the survivors. I am a survivor. I have had close friends commit suicide. Most days I cannot even approach my own pain over the loss. And I’m a pretty healthy guy emotionally. And those who commit suicide leave their survivors at much greater risk of suicide themselves.
I tell people at church that I thought about it. On a particularly bad day in college, I got as close as I have ever gotten to it. But for me, that was only once. Almost everyone has an id moment at some point, and some people hardly ever have the thought far from their minds. They are choosing to live every day despite that possibility gnawing at them as a pathetic temptation.
Here’s Where I Get In Trouble: The states that have allowed assisted suicide actually become a strong argument for something else. Very few people use that option. Why? Because to do so in those states requires people work through counseling for their depression and anger, and get access to appropriate pain and mood management medication and that they wait through a period that lasts longer than most people’s rage.
Suicide is most often a function of depression (see my blog on depression in the archives) or pain or mood disorders or rage. The few using assisted suicide are the exceptions to much of that, and therefore their situation isn’t much of a useful comparison to the vast number of suicides and the times when you or your friends and family have considered it. It is a solution of impatience. Considering suicide is a cheap, fast food kind of way of avoiding dealing with those other issues. But when you hurt, you are sometimes not sensible.
On the other hand, who among us has never opted for fast food?
Don’t Lie to Yourself: Life has many ups and downs. We all will grieve, and lose, and hurt, and be in funks that defy logic. And we will all have depressions and angers that brew in deep places.
And someone near you will do it. We all suffer when one person commits suicide.
Love your life. And get help when you are struggling. At least have one confidant you would tell if you are not safe with yourself.
And look out for each other. Love their lives enough to ask and care about their answer as to how they are doing in times of stress.
Do well.
3 comments:
This time of year, there most likely is no coincidence that you touch on this painful subject.
Dear Rod, Thank you so much for this blog. My niece attempted suicide on Dec.26 and fortunately she was found in time before she slipped away. I have not had the courage to contact her since then. I saw her in family court last week and she looked very dysfunctional(a kind description).I know that my faith as a Christian dictates that I reach out to her in her pain. The blog helped give me the courage and the insight in maybe how to do that. Blessings- Patty G.
There are many days that I most definitely think, "wouldn't it be easier if I could just end it all?" Crawling up in a hole and not coming out sometimes sounds like it would be so much easier, but I know it wouldn't be. As many times as I've thought about ending it, I also have a very real fear of dying... or more really, not know exactly what is going to happen after death, because even though I have this faith, i'm still not so sure that there is a place i'll be after death. The idea of not being able to feel, sense, think any more scares me. But, in the moment, during those bad times, I definitely don't think of that first. What I think of first is "who's going to find me FIRST?" I then think of a child I used to babysit who was the one to find her dad when he chose to take his life. She was only 9 years old... I remember being there for her after that happened and I think... that would be me. I would choose to end my life and my children would be the ones to find me, and I could never do that to them. The 2nd thing I always think about is "who would take care of my children if I was gone?" Yes, I have my husband, and I love my husband very much, but he can barely do 2 hours without pulling his hair out, never mind the rest of their lives.... So, when I think of ending my life, all I really have to do to stop myself is think of my children. I wish other people were able to rationalize like this in their time of need.
When I started studying to be a social worker (something I still very much want to do with my life... eventually) The area that interested me the most was that of crisis intervention, mostly specifically self mutilation and suicide... I am not entirely sure why this interested me so much, but helping people through these tough times was definitely something I wanted to do. Perhaps because I could relate on at least some level.
I think there are some that may not really truly be able to understand why anyone would want to end their life, until they feel it too. I don't wish that upon ANYONE, but it is hard for those who love life so much that they would never think of ending it, and it is hard for them to see why someone else would choose to do this.
Post a Comment