Thinking of God

An old teacher was speaking to pastors and said, “When you speak of heaven your eyes should be bright and you should smile and your face should reflect the joy of God. When you speak of other things, well, your normal face will do.”

Thinking of God the Joyful Healer, is a healing habit.

But that’s not the whole story is it? Many people struggle with images of God that are destructive or at least distracting.

In our images of God it is good to check: Is God always male? Is God old, or distant or angry, or irrelevant and passive? Or worse, are we just plain sure we have it figured out and have no mystery in our sense of God?

The truth is that some images of God are far from true to Jewish and Christian historical wisdom. Jesus said “God is spirit”, and this suggests that we are not headed in a constructive direction when we try to limit God to our personal conception. Many scholars believe that the Muslim practice of praying the “99 names of God”, in which the believer reviews many facets of God’s nature, was learned from either Christian or Jewish believers in the Middle East at the time of Muhammad. Well, that is sure not a current practice in some churches where Christian images are limited to “God”, “Father”, “Lord”, and “Jesus”. I find it interesting that in those forms of spirituality, many pray the names of God in almost compulsively repetitious fashion, as in “Father God, Father, Lord Jesus, we ask you, Lord God, to …”, as if the believer is stuck like a CD player.

Jesus is only quoted for a brief bit of his life, and only in a few of his messages in the Bible, yet he exhibits an explosion of freeing images of God. God is male in some and female in others (like the woman sweeping her house). God is anthropomorphic in some and even earthier in others (like the mother hen gathering her chicks). In just one of Jesus’ parables God is pictured as running to meet us, kissing and hugging, and singing and dancing in joy over us!

And Jesus endemically refers to God’s relation to the creation as one of intimacy and tender, thoughtful presence.

Let yourself go! God is not limited to our conceptions or our understanding. Great saints in the early church pointed out that that while God is beyond our thinking; we do well to think of the ways God chooses to come and be exposed to us. God mothers us and fathers us, God is a friend and lover, God wrestles with us and sings in us, God accompanies us and cherishes our every breath. God is wild in the creating business and loves our creativity and honors it.

God loves every moment we move in the ways of healing and justice. The church I pastor is actually called The United Methodist Church of the Joyful Healer!

Don’t Lie to Yourself: Sometimes when people hear you speak of faith or church or God, they filter you through their seriously damaged images of God. Be compassionate enough to understand their reservations and even sometimes their outright hostility. But listen for where the hurt is. It can make you able to communicate at an altogether different level.

And God is right here, right now. Filling the space you live in and your heart as well. Receive your blessing.

Do well.

THE END OF FRIENDSHIP

Some of you have heard me tell a tidbit: I was in front of a large group of men, and I asked them to make a list of their five best friends, and get in groups of two or three and quickly describe one quality of each of the five. The room lit up with laughter and animation as the men told each other of their best friend’s styles and qualities (and maybe foibles!).

Then I asked the men to write on their list the number of months or years that it had been since they had spent time with that friend. Each group was then to average their number of months or years.

For most in each group they hadn’t spent time with their five best friends since high school. Most didn’t even know where their “best friends” lived, or what they did for work, or if they had kids.

The average age of the group was probably around 40 years old.

A nationally known counselor said that what makes our world different from 50 years ago is that now adult women are losing the skill of making good friends just like men in our culture. What is sad is that if you watch kids, we are made to be social, and most of us had the tools of community in us at one time.

For me what is most peculiar is that most men in that group seemed to not think of themselves as lonely. Now most of us fall into one or two of three common modes: lonely and noticing it; lonely for meaningful friendship but keeping so busy and distracted as to avoid noting it; or living all our friendships out at a very shallow level with workmates or over kid’s play dates until we retire.

Yes, I know, great friendships develop slowly, and are discovered almost like trolling for fish. You drag your line through the water and keep moving slowly until you find something. What is different from the analogy is that we often don’t know we have a good friendship for a long while after we have found it. But trolling is a good analogy in that it suggests on purpose.

I have friends in the church I serve that are so good at making and keeping friends that I have to resist the urge to send all my new acquaintances to them. They are almost full of time slots just enjoying their sacred connections. But most folk I know don’t even know how to begin.

What to do? Well, at least we get started by recognizing what our culture has underequipped us to do … or even underequipped us to even want to do!

And of course, it helps a lot to have a few places on our calendar we show up in regularly where we might possibly make a friend or two … places like church, hobby groups, sports teams, even volunteer task groups and community organizations. Just not bars! I have few issues with drinking in healthy ways [see the archive blog about drinking], but I have seen so many downhill journeys begin with people feeling needy walking into bars.

I also recommend we take our extended families more seriously. Calling or visiting, I mean. Actually hearing voices!! Email is not what we evolved to do, even though it’s nice. Really, when we honor our family commitments well, we grow in ways we can open ourselves to others.

And I recommend we become generous in time and gift giving in our neighborhoods. Few of us will make close friends of neighbors, but again, we are trying to learn the ways of the human family again, and neighbors used to fill a bigger slot by far than they do now.

I am not lonely, so it feels cheap to write too much about it. It solves so slowly in a day in which we move so often, and have so little time uncommitted, as do the others we could know better!

I am embarrassed by how in love I feel, and how much I receive from virtually anyone I meet. I wish I could give this experience to everyone I see. My closer friends leave me so satisfied, too. I have a few real close friends I see casually a lot (common interests), and intentionally as well. I also keep up on several in my family by phone, which is powerful to me.

Don’t lie to yourself: the electronic world has many benefits [you’re reading a blog, for heaven’s sake!], but it is also a terrible drain on our souls. It is a box. We can open our electronics, from radios to televisions to computers to MP3 to … you get the idea … and never turn away from them again. They will suck us up and leave us numb and tired and keep us from walking outside and speaking to a neighbor or calling a friend or from watching a child play. I have an acquaintance that complains of having no friends, who spends three to five hours a night watching TV. If this is you, you’re in a different fix than other lonely people. You need to turn it off. Go call your mom/uncle/aunt/first grade teacher … SOMEbody! For the rest of you, take care of your soul. Do what you can. Keep trolling. Keep open to the loves of God. More and more you will find people to whom God will pass along that loving through you.

And maybe add the rituals of talking about all the good moments you do have with people, and remembering those moments on purpose. Cherishing time with others is a two step process: first, enjoying them when they are there; second, enjoying them after you leave them. Add more of the second. Great relationships leave a great taste in your soul. Don’t be too quick to let go of that flavor.

Do well.

I Have To Say This ....

This isn’t in my regular style or voice for this blog. I’m not at all easy with writing. But I just have to say as I take off for a ten day jaunt to Japan for karate training …

I could never ever have asked for this wonderful of a life … In my wildest dreams. It has been like the best music, on all the time.

In 51 years, I have met some of the greatest minds, some of the kindest souls, some of the most fascinating journeyers. I have felt fully alive in a body that has almost pulled me into activity. I have had two kids, and received another into our family, each almost overloading my circuits with joy every time I look at them. I have had the wife all the love stories dream about.

I have read the greatest words in books and my Bible; I have felt the wind on my face in most of the 50 states and 12 countries; I have thought; and felt. I have been reunited with family from long ago, like my sister Tracy who I didn’t see for 29 years. I have played and worked my fanny off.

Maybe most surprising to me is the church that I have been treated to. I have seen people take off like rockets, I have seen others journey, sometimes upstream and sometimes downstream, but always to better places, and always on a journey that is itself sacred.

And in those churches, I have seen people do good to each other, to others they hardly know, and to themselves and their families.

In all of this and so much I am not writing, I have been loved by, and even felt the presence of, a graceful and extravagant God. For everything from my skin to my nose to my eyes [my eyes, always stunned to see] to my ears to my tongue, I give thanks.

It will be so good to be back in a little over a week to share with you. ‘Till then, I hope you get to see your life in its wonder once in a while. I only see the wonder once in a while. But those moments still knock me out.

See you back.

Suicide

There is no laughter here.

What You Might Expect Me to Say about Suicide: If you come from certain religious traditions you might think I would condemn those who commit suicide, or assume they have committed an unforgivable sin and will be judged by God as having done so. Please know that is not the position of most Christians. The United Methodist Social Principles state that “nothing, including suicide, separates us from the love of God”.

But that’s Not the Whole Story, Is It? Almost all the time, suicide is more like leaving a bomb inside the lives of surviving family and friends. Leaving the pain behind in suicide leaves a hundred times the pain in the survivors. I am a survivor. I have had close friends commit suicide. Most days I cannot even approach my own pain over the loss. And I’m a pretty healthy guy emotionally. And those who commit suicide leave their survivors at much greater risk of suicide themselves.

I tell people at church that I thought about it. On a particularly bad day in college, I got as close as I have ever gotten to it. But for me, that was only once. Almost everyone has an id moment at some point, and some people hardly ever have the thought far from their minds. They are choosing to live every day despite that possibility gnawing at them as a pathetic temptation.

Here’s Where I Get In Trouble: The states that have allowed assisted suicide actually become a strong argument for something else. Very few people use that option. Why? Because to do so in those states requires people work through counseling for their depression and anger, and get access to appropriate pain and mood management medication and that they wait through a period that lasts longer than most people’s rage.
Suicide is most often a function of depression (see my blog on depression in the archives) or pain or mood disorders or rage. The few using assisted suicide are the exceptions to much of that, and therefore their situation isn’t much of a useful comparison to the vast number of suicides and the times when you or your friends and family have considered it. It is a solution of impatience. Considering suicide is a cheap, fast food kind of way of avoiding dealing with those other issues. But when you hurt, you are sometimes not sensible.

On the other hand, who among us has never opted for fast food?

Don’t Lie to Yourself: Life has many ups and downs. We all will grieve, and lose, and hurt, and be in funks that defy logic. And we will all have depressions and angers that brew in deep places.

And someone near you will do it. We all suffer when one person commits suicide.

Love your life. And get help when you are struggling. At least have one confidant you would tell if you are not safe with yourself.

And look out for each other. Love their lives enough to ask and care about their answer as to how they are doing in times of stress.

Do well.